A gameshow that forces male nerds into the unnecessarily sexualized outfits female video game characters have that they defend as “practical,” and then makes them do agility training
but what I really want is a Discworld AU based on Doctor Who where Rincewind is a really bad time lord called The Wizzard who has a reputation for saving worlds that is ENTIRELY undeserved. At least, he thinks it’s entirely undeserved, because he never actually set out to save a world in his life, he just happened to be on them and circumstances led to them being saved and half the time he didn’t even know what he was doing so obviously it doesn’t count. He doesn’t want to be involved in this. He just wants to find somewhere nice and quiet where he can live out all his regenerations to the fullness of old age, so that he doesn’t have to waste life.
And then after an amusing mishap with a Silurian and the Tsim Sha Tsui Clock Tower, Twoflower ends up as his companion. Twoflower being a human from earth in this AU he would maybe need a different name, but the point is, he’s an alien enthusiast and he’s heard about all this ~time lord stuff~ and is like “TAKE ME WITH YOU” and Rincewind is like “NO” but Twoflower stows away on board Rincewind’s TARDIS and ends up on Gallifrey when Rincewind goes back to check in
incidentally Rincewind’s TARDIS is The Luggage and it is the worst-tempered TARDIS in probably the whole history of Gallifrey. Its chameleon circuit is stuck on ‘sea chest with legs’ from a planet Rincewind visited several decades ago. Which means anyone who wants to go into it has to enter by jumping into the chest. It’s really awkward and Rincewind is going to figure out how to fix it. Someday. Eventually. When he can get a break.
So he gets back and finds Twoflower and the president of the High Council (Vetinari obviously) stops in to see him and tells him that oh, he’d better treat that Earth tourist nicely and show him a bit of the world because Earth is going to be very important soon and we really do want to show them that we are not hostile. And besides, we’re all agog to finally have a witness to all these mighty deeds you’ve supposedly been doing.
So Rincewind gets stuck with Twoflower and is dreading the whole mighty deeds thing because, well, he’s never really done one, has he? but then during an expedition to see the Lost Moon of Poosh before it got lost he accidentally stumbles into saving a world AGAIN
only Twoflower doesn’t seem to realize the accidental part and is like “SO THE STORIES ARE TRUE YOU ARE A HERO”
and Rincewind is like “no. I’m not. please don’t. I’m not.”
and it’s all an awful mess but he’s stuck with it for two years or so but then Twoflower is like, “I think I’d like to go home now,” and Rincewind is surprised and maybe just a little bit sad but mostly he’s relieved
until the president calls him back and says “We heard about your mighty deeds, which were corroborated this time. Amazing. So we’ll be sending you out to save people that need saving, occasionally. Keep your phone on.”
And that’s the story of how The Wizzard, errant time lord and frustrated coward, became the hero of a galaxy when he didn’t even want to.